Out of the Ashes
by AussieNick
Summary: The world collapsed, and the time for humanity to rise again has arrived. As the walker population declines and the living retake the world, the burden of rebuilding civilization falls on those who can barely remember such a thing.
1. Chapter 1

"How long have you had that gun?" Carl asked, eyeing the holstered pistol on Clementine's belt after driving a knife through a walker's skull.

Clementine shrugged. "Since all this started, I guess, but it wasn't mine back then. It was with our group since the walkers came along. That was back when there were hordes of them."

Carl nodded. He'd never asked about Clementine's past specifically. Like Enid and him, she had obviously gone through hell to make it as far as she did. Out of giving her space, he'd decided to wait until she was ready to tell him and the others.

"Not many walkers left," he remarked, looking down at the ugly, skeletal thing on the ground. "Just after we left Atlanta, we ran into a horde on the highway and had to hide under cars."

Immediately, he regretted bringing up that painful memory. That had been the last day he had seen Sophia alive. During the car ride out of Atlanta, his parents had remarked about their short-lived trip to the Grand Canyon when he was a baby, and promised to take Sophia and her mother Carol there someday.

Then the horde had come along and Sophia had run off into the woods. The next time Carl had seen her, she'd been one of those mindless, unthinking monsters. He liked to believe that she didn't suffer, but he'd always struggled to convince himself. As he grew older, he hadn't been able to help but wonder what could have been. As great as Enid was, sometimes he still missed his friend.

"Carl?" Clementine's voice sounded distant to him. "Carl? You okay?"

Carl snapped back to reality, realizing he'd been staring at the dead walker for who-knows-how-long. He shook his head, almost laughing at how ridiculous it must have looked because of his unkempt hair.

"Sorry," he said. "Just a flashback."

"Carl, don't pull that stuff with me from now on, okay? I don't wanna have to tell your dad and girlfriend that you had a fit out here."

Carl gave her a reassuring smile. "I'll be fine, but thanks anyway, Clem."

Clementine had taken a liking to Carl and Enid immediately after reaching Alexandria. They, along with Carl's group, understood the world better than the Alexandria survivors had when she'd arrived. Plus, she'd enjoyed watching their nervous, god-awful flirting as they'd tried pretending not to like one another.

But it also made her envious. She'd been eight when the walkers had shown up, and hadn't even been able to experience a crush. Her mother had once told her that God did everything for a reason, but she'd always wondered what possible reason God would have for making people eat each other. The old world couldn't have been that bad, could it?

After reaching Alexandria, the old world had become something unknown or strange, like something out of a fantasy novel. Like Carl, she'd found Alexandria's school as a strange thing, but she guessed that that was just the way of the world; people couldn't just 'survive' forever. After finding some history books on a scouting trip, she'd read about the Roman Empire and how bad Europe had been after its fall. People eventually moved past surviving and started focusing on other things. Maybe it was just human nature to try and change the world, no matter how good or bad it was.

"You give me hellYou for going quiet and then you do the same," Carl said, smirking. "Hypocrite."

Clementine rolled her eyes. "You've been quiet for the entire walk back, so you're the hypocrite."

They grinned at each briefly before finishing the walk back to Alexandria in silence. Clementine liked the long walks. She'd once been tense every time they left, but they were encountering walkers less and less now, and she'd found herself relaxing enough to enjoy the silence and the freedom that came with being outside of Alexandria's walls. That was something the walkers could never take away.

They didn't bother going in through the main gate when they finally reached Alexandria. Unlocking and re-locking the gate just to let in two people was just a waste of time when they could easily climb a tree and jump onto the platform on the inner side of the wall.

Carl went first, telling Clementine to "watch and learn" as he climbed, even though she'd done it a hundred times already. Being the newest kid in Alexandria, the others still saw her as some kind of rookie even after she'd told them about the treehouse she used to have. Sometimes she missed that old treehouse that she'd camped out in for three days. The memory reminded her of a time when she was really happy, and her months at Alexandria had been the closest thing to that.

She'd never slipped while jumping from the tree to the platform, until today. Her foot hit the metal platform then slipped. She gave a shout of surprise and grabbed the railing on instinct while her feet dangled in the air. She felt her hat slip and took one hand away to grab it and push it onto the platform.

Before she could grab the railing, Carl took her hand and pulled her up and over the wall.

"You didn't have to do that," she grumbled, reaching for her hat but clutching only empty air. "Where's my hat?"

Carl peered over the inner edge of the walkway and pointed. Following his gaze, she saw her hat lying upside down in the grass below.

"Probably a bit dirty," Carl said in a falsely casual tone, one that barely masked his annoyance at not getting a thank-you. Clementine felt a twinge of shame at being so rude, but was still annoyed at being rescued when she didn't need it.

"Whatever, it's safe," she said bluntly, pulling herself to her feet and climbing down the ladder to the ground. She brushed some dirt off of her hat and shoved it roughly back on her head as Carl climbed down and trudged off back toward his house. Clementine briefly considered spending the night at Glenn and Maggie's instead, but decided against making a big deal.

"Carl," she said as she walked behind him, "I'm sorry, okay? I appreciate you helping me."

Carl ignored her, which only irritated her. Taking deep breaths, she forced herself to stay calm.

"Carl, I mean it!"

"Just drop it," Carl grumbled. "Don't want my help? Then next time I'll let you fall."

"That's not fair," she replied, growing irritated at Carl's attitude. "You know I don't like having to depend on people, that's all it was. Honest."

"It's fine," Carl snapped.

"No Carl, it's not fine. Turn around and look at me!"

Carl wheeled around, glaring at her with her one good eye. "What? What do you want? For me to just stand there and let you get hurt? We've gotta look after one another. We gotta depend on one another."

"Depending on me is gonna get you killed!" Clementine snapped. "Why can't you people understand?! I can depend on myself, so don't bother putting yourself in harm's way for me!"

Carl's visible eyebrow shot up in surprise and his jaw dropped as Clementine stormed past him. Without another word to him she stormed toward the house, hoping that Rick and Michonne wouldn't notice the inevitable icy nature in the house.


	2. Chapter 2

Carl didn't hurry back to the house, hoping that Clementine might cool off if he wasn't nearby. When he did reach the house, Michonne was frowning in the direction of Clementine's room, while Carl's infant sister Judith sat squirming in her chair.

"What happened?" Michonne asked.

"Nothing," Carl said, unwilling to repeat what Clementine had probably not meant to tell him. "Clem's just a bit tired, I guess."

Michonne looked sceptical – Clementine's icy nature had disappeared shortly after she moved in – but didn't press the issue, turning back to continue feeding Judith. Carl moved on to his own room, where Enid was reading silently from a comic book on his bed.

"So what happened out there?" she asked, barely glancing up at him. "Clementine just stormed past without a hello."

Carl hesitated; the younger ones in Alexandria typically trusted each other a lot more, but he didn't want to go around talking behind Clementine's back.

"I'll let Clem tell you if she wants to," he finally said, sitting down next to her and taking one of his own comics.

"You must have really pissed her off this time," Enid remarked.

"She slipped on the platform when she tried to jump from a tree. I pulled her up and she got angry. I didn't do anything," Carl said defensively.

"She doesn't like being saved, you know that."

"And we're meant to look out for one another. She knows that."

 **00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000**

Clementine made her way to her room as quickly as was normal, giving Michonne a brief greeting before locking the door and falling onto her bed, where she buried her face into her pillow and did her best to cry quietly.

Alexandria had been like a second chance for her, and as she began to relax and enjoy herself she'd actually felt happy for the first time in a while. But her unplanned outburst in front of Carl had brought up memories she had tried so hard to bury. Memories that had once kept her up at night, tearing her up inside and sapping her strength and faith.

Memories that had almost sapped her will to keep going.

Now the nightmares reminding her of her failures would return, taking every ounce of resolve she had. The overwhelming guilt would drown her in sorrow, anger, and loneliness.

She leapt off of her bed and began pacing furiously around her bedroom, fighting back an urge to scream and punch the wall. Her bedroom in Alexandria usually made her feel safe and relaxed, but now they made her feel trapped and agitated. At least on the outside, she'd been able to vent and get out all the bitter feelings that sometimes made her wonder if she was still human. But on the inside she had nowhere to run to where she could lash out without hurting anyone else.

"Clem?" Enid called from outside the room. "Clem, please open the door."

"I'm fine," Clementine said in as steady a voice as she could manage.

"Bullshit," was Enid's reply. "Open the door, please."

Knowing that Enid wouldn't back down until she got her way, Clementine wiped the tears from her face and unlocked the door with a shaking hand. Enid stepped in, closing and locking the door quickly behind her while Clementine sat down on her bed and tried not to cry.

Enid was so silent in sitting down next to her that Clementine didn't even notice until the other girl put an arm around her shoulder. That was one thing Clementine liked about Enid; she never pressured her into opening up, instead choosing to simply be there and comfort her until she felt better, and then she'd let her talk if she wanted to.

Enid knew more about her problems than anyone else in Alexandria, although Clementine had never told her the full story. She'd never tried to pry, and Clementine was grateful for that. In return, she'd never tried to pry into Enid's past, as it never came up in conversation.

"I should apologize to Carl," she muttered, holding her head in her hands.

"I could tell him for you," Enid offered. "He's gone through a lot too. I guess that's why he's such an ass."

That got a weak laugh out of Clementine. "Just…don't tell anyone else. I don't want people to pity me."

"Okay," Enid said softly. "But don't shut yourself out, Clem. You're…you're the closest thing to a sister I've ever had."

Those words seemed to suddenly wash away the bitterness and rage that permeated every part of her. She looked at Enid for the first time, surprised to see a single tear fall down her cheek.

It was at that point that she lost restraint, throwing her arms around Enid in a tight, warm hug that made her forget the hollow feelings that sometimes consumed her.

If only for a little while.

Mitch Walker hated Alexandria. Well, not specifically Alexandra, but America in general. And it wasn't because he was a terrorist or extreme socialist or something, but because he missed his home in Australia.

What virus created the biters had spread across the road, and Australia had been completely unprepared. Those who hadn't fled to the mostly-uninhabited Outback had been overwhelmed by the hordes of biters that infested the cities.  
Mitched closed his eyes, remembering the day that his group had fled in a stolen plane as the Air Force napalmed Melbourne. From the moment they'd taken off to the moment the city was out of site, they'd been able to see the fires engulf the city that had been their home.

Sometimes Mitch wondered what had become of his homeland. Given the low number of guns and the situation in the cities, he imagined that it would be in worse state than America.

When his group had arrived in Alexandria, Mitch had had to push hard for watch duty. It was only when he'd proven his skill with a sniper that Rick had gave in and given him the job. While some would find sitting on a platform and watching the road all day boring, Mitch enjoyed the feeling of the cool breeze on his face, and the peaceful silence. It made him wonder how he'd ever managed in the noisy, crowded city of Melbourne.

He brought his rifle up, looking down the scope to monitor the road, when he heard a shout. Lowering the rifle and looking for the source of the noise, he saw someone dangling off of the platform with another standing over him. He looked through the scope of his rifle to see Rick's son Carl and the new girl Clementine. The girl had clearly tried to jump from a tree, only to slip on the platform. Mitch watched as Carl pulled her up and over the railing, frowning at the agitated expression on Clementine's face.

As they made their way back into town, Mitch turned around in his seat to watch. Carl was trudging ahead, looking sour while Clementine looked to be apologizing. When Carl turned around to glare at her, they erupted into an argument that Mitch sadly could not hear. Eventually, Clementine shouted something at him and stormed past him, leaving Carl with his jaw hanging open.

Mitch had to suppress a groan; he was meant to go out on a scouting trip with Carl, Clementine, and Glenn tomorrow, and could already see that the car trip would be tense. Knowing that he could do nothing about it, he turned back to the road and waited for his shift to end.

Clementine couldn't help but feel a sense of dread at the upcoming scouting trip. She was certain that not apologizing to Carl privately would make the entire day uncomfortable, and was trying desperately to think of an adequate apology. Her mother had always told her to just tell the truth when saying sorry, but Clementine wondered how much of the truth she should actually tell.

Just a few hours before they were meant to leave, she found Carl walking around with Judith in his arms. When she approached, he slowed down and stopped.

"Hey," he said in a neutral tone, keeping a small but noticeable distance between them, as if expecting another outburst.

"Hi," Clementine muttered, feeling extremely sick. "I…uh, just wanted to say sorry…for, you know…yesterday."

Carl gave a small nod of understanding. "Are you okay?"

Clementine hesitated and looked at the ground, unsure of the answer. While the bitterness and anger wasn't about to overwhelm her like yesterday, the hollow feeling in her stomach was all too noticeable.

"I don't know," she finally replied, truthfully.

Mitch was surprised – and relieved – to find a lack of tension as the three of them climbed into the station wagon. Glenn – being the only adult – was driving while Carl took the passenger seat. As they drove out of Alexandria and along the road, Mitch glanced over at Clementine. She was staring out at the window, a blank look on her face. Had Glenn and Carl not been in the car with them, he might have tried to talk to her. But a part of him was hesitant; did she actually want to talk to anyone? Clementine had pretty much kept to herself since arriving, and was always quiet even when she was around the other kids.

She glanced in his direction, and he quickly looked away. The car felt suffocating and stuffy, and he couldn't help but roll down his window and let the fresh air in. Nobody raised any complaint.

"Alright, this is the spot," Glenn announced, stopping the car in front of a deserted, lonely-looking set of stores. Mitch stepped out of the car, grateful for the fresh air and the chance to stretch his legs. The stores in front of them stood empty of life, like a relic of a long-dead world. The signs on each store were faded, trash littering the sidewalk. A single, burnt-out shell of a car sat in the parking lot, stripped to the frame.

The scene suddenly made Mitch choke up, and he fought down an overwhelming urge to cry.

"Mitch? You alright man?" Carl asked, snapping him out of his state.

Mitch blinked a little, quickly looking away and wiping his eyes.

"Yeah," he muttered. "Yeah mate, I'm okay."

They searched each store as one group, hoping to avoid getting jumped and separated by a group of biters. The first store was a gun shop, so it was no surprise that the shelves were stripped of everything. Even so, they checked behind the counter and every corner of the store, making sure not a single remaining bullet was left behind.

Mitch spotted a single, small box of shotgun shells on the floor in the corner behind the counter. Picking it up, he grinned as he opened the small box and saw that it was full. Smiling at his good fortune, he pocketed the small cardboard container just as a shout rang out from the back room.

Clementine wasn't interested in being around the rest of the group at that moment, and moved into the back room of the store, kicking aside an empty cardboard box.

 _This is pointless,_ she thought. The entire place had been stripped clean completely, and she had half a mind to go into one of the other stores and get any potential loot when she noticed something in the semi-darkness.

It was a rifle of some kind, one that Clementine couldn't identify. Even though she'd had her pistol since she was eight, she'd fired a rifle only once. Unlike the simple hunting rifle that she'd fired at the age of eleven, this one was far newer, painted black with a large magazine in the bottom and a scope on top.

She reached for it just as a low groan shattered the silence. Had the room been well-lit, she'd have noticed the 'sleeping' (if they slept at all) walker hiding around the desk. She let out of shout, not of fear but of surprise, and stumbled backwards as a grey, decaying hand reached out.

She stumbled against a bookcase opposite the desk, the back of her head connecting painfully with one of the shelves. She was stunned by the pain, allowing the walk to stumble to its feet and lunge at her. They both fell to the ground, with Clementine holding the skeletal walker by its neck as it snapped at her from above. Her gun had been knocked out of her hand, but she still had her knife…

She shouldn't have hesitated, but she did; reaching down to get her knife would mean giving the walker a chance to take a bite out of her throat, and she wasn't sure she could reach the knife in time.

She threw the walker off of her with every ounce of strength and went for her knife quickly, pulling it out just as the walker came at her again. This time, she held it by the neck with one hand and drove the blade into the walker's skull. It twitched, and then went limp just as Mitch, Glenn and Carl burst into the room.

"You alright?" Mitch asked as she pulled the knife out. She knew it was him because his accent was so distinct, and she nodded.

"It was hiding in the corner," she said.

"Must have been here awhile," Mitch said, shining his flashlight on the walker. It did indeed look years old. Its skin was grey and leathery, it's rotting teeth visible, and the skeleton below was clearly visible. The sight made Clementine nauseous.

"Find anything?" Glenn asked.

Clementine reached over and picked up the rifle, surprised at how light it was. She'd done plenty of running, so she was in good shape, but never much heavy lifting.

"Nice," Glenn said. "Alright, let's take this back and search the other stores."


	3. Chapter 3

Carl remembered Clementine's outburst from the previous day, grateful that she'd killed the walker without anyone having to intervene. It wasn't just that he didn't want to deal with another outburst, but he also didn't want to see the emotional hell she was in to become public knowledge. Clementine had made it perfectly clear from day one that she did not enjoy being pitied. They'd all understood; none of them liked it much either, and Carl knew that people's attempts at helping her would just backfire completely.

Even then, how could she go through all that alone? Even when the prison had fallen and the group had been split, he hadn't been alone. But Clementine had been alone for God knew how long before she'd found Alexandria, and had isolated herself for days. The only person who came close to truly understanding her (as far as Carl knew) was Enid. But if Enid couldn't help her through whatever problems she had, then what hope was there?

The hopelessness of the entire situation seemed to sap Carl's energy completely, and he wanted nothing more than scream out and break a window in frustration. Had common sense escaped him, he probably would do just that.

They raided the rest of the stores, picking up only a few worthwhile items. Mitch found the entire affair dispiriting; they'd have to start going out farther to find anything worthwhile, which meant venturing into territory that was relatively unknown. He was a foreigner and knew nothing of the U.S, and while he was too proud to actually admit it, he was scared of the world around Alexandria.

He closed the trunk of the car, scoffing the unremarkable amount of supplies they'd scavenged, when a snarl came to him. The first time he'd heard one of the biters, he'd been terrified, but now they were just mundane. He turned around, his knife ready, and spotted the snarling corpse. What made his heart sink was that, in life, this one couldn't be older than four years or so.

His drew in a deep breath, then relaxed when he saw that Clementine was closest. Then his relief turned to confusion; she was just standing there trembling and gasping as if struggling to breath. When Mitch leaned forward to see her face, he noticed that she was holding back tears.

Clementine drew her knife as the child biter advanced on her, but her hand was shaking so furiously that she was certain to miss. The biter snarled and grabbed at her, but she made no effort to kill, only holding it back as it snapped at her.

Mitch stepped forward to kill it, only for Carl to rush past him and do the deed himself. When the biter fell to the ground, Clementine simply stared for a moment before walking quickly back to the car.

The drive back to Alexandria was the tense affair Mitch had hoped to avoid. While nobody said anything, they could all hear the occasion quiet sob that she let out, despite her best efforts. Mitch didn't dare say anything. Nobody did.

That was probably for the best.

Clementine didn't even stop to help unpack the worthless pickings they'd found. Had there been a bigger load to carry, Carl would have been irritated, but today he gave her a free pass. He watched as she trudged back to the house, her head down. He tried his best not to speculate, but her behavior out there and her words yesterday were painting a picture that Carl couldn't tear his eyes from.

She couldn't have been a mother (or at least Carl hoped not), but perhaps the child had been a brother or cousin or other relative. She'd never let slip a single detail about her family, or her old life, so it was possible.

Carl shook his head and tried to banish the topic from his mind; that was Clementine's business, not his.

"Carl," Glenn said as the three of them carried the supplies into town, "what's going on with Clementine? She just froze up out there."

Carl hesitated. "I…don't know," he said truthfully. "She hardly talks to anyone else. A few of the other kids think she's going to leave any day now."

Glenn frowned. It was a conflicted look, one that appeared on his face when neither option was all that appealing.

"Hasn't Rick or Michonne at least tried to talk to her?"

"They've tried, but Enid's the only one she ever opens up to."

Warning bells were going off in Carl's head. _I shouldn't be telling him this,_ he thought. But for some reason he kept going as he remembered something.

"She always goes really quiet when Judith's around. Anything to do with children seems makes her tense," he told Glenn, then immediately wished he hadn't said it.

"Carl," Glenn said in a low voice, letting Mitch go ahead of them, "you don't think she…"

"Had a kid?" Carl finished. "I don't think so, or at least I hope not. Did she have a younger brother or a cousin or anything?"

"Not that I know of," Glenn said. "When I was with her group in Macon, she was just with this guy…I don't think he was her dad. They didn't look alike or anything. But she never mentioned a brother or anything.

"Anyway," he said, "we shouldn't pry. She'll share when she's ready."

 _If she's ever ready,_ Carl thought silently.

Clementine didn't go back to the house; right now, not even Enid could comfort her. She hid in the bushes by the gate until Glenn, Mitch and Carl had disappeared, then climbed onto the platform where she'd almost fallen the previous day. She looked down over the other edge of the wall. It was a long drop, but Clementine was certain she could land safely, although she wouldn't be particularly bothered if she got hurt.

The force of the impact would leave a couple of bruises, but she was otherwise fine. Wasting no time, she sprinted into the woods, no longer caring if she was running right into a herd of walkers.

Eventually she became too tired to run, and sat down against a tree trunk, panting hard and unable to keep the tears back. Every time she had hit a low point and broke down, she'd eventually get back up and keep going. She'd always held on to hope that she could eventually learn to live with all the people she had let down.

But she was tired of it. It was all just a repeating cycle of burying her feelings and then breaking down when they resurfaced. She couldn't keep going like this, living in this endless cycle of being broken and putting herself back together.

She'd dared to hope again when she came to Alexandria, but she now realized that it would all be the same as Wellington. Her turmoil would get in the way, and everyone would suffer for it.

She couldn't let that happen again. She was done hurting people.

 _"_ _Go on, then,"_ someone said. _"You have the gun. End it, you wimp."_

She recognized the voice, and nodded in understanding. She knew what she had to do. It was the only way to stop hurting people.

She brought the gun out of her pocket, feeling numb as she stared down the barrel. Her hands shook violently, and she felt sick to her stomach.

 _Go on then!"_ the voice urged her. _"Do what you should have done years ago!"_

"I c-can't!" she said aloud as she tried in vain to steady the gun.

 _"_ _You're a coward. So many people have died for you, and all you do is get people killed. You selfish-"_

The gun went off, but all Clementine could register was a ringing sensation in her ears. She might have screamed, but she couldn't be sure. All she knew was that she wasn't dead.

She felt hands on her, and began to kick and struggle; she wouldn't let it end this way, being slowly devoured by a walker.

A sound managed to come through the ringing, but it wasn't a walker's snarl. It was a voice, an accented voice.

"Clem, stop! It's me!"

"Mitch?" she gasped, sitting up against the tree trunk and shaking. Her shirt clung to her with sweat, and her hat had tumbled off at some point.

"What are you doing here?!" she snapped at him, making him recoil. "Just…just go back to the Safe-Zone and tell them I'm not coming back!"

"Where will you go?" Mitch asked.

"Nowhere," she snapped, reaching around for the gun. "Where's the…"

Then she spotted it, in Mitch's hand.

"Mitch," she said, her voice a low growl, "give me the gun, now."

She stepped forward, and Mitch stepped back. "Come back to the Safe-Zone. We'll help you."

"You can't help!" she ranted at him. "Don't you get it? You don't know what I have to live with! You don't have to think about all the people you've hurt! You've got a brother and sister to go home to, and what do I have? Nothing!"

She picked up a nearby stick and threw it at him in frustration. "Go back to Alexandria and leave me-"  
A shot rang out, the bullet impacting just above Clementine's head. The both ducked and scrambled into a nearby ditch for cover.

"Where'd it come from?" she asked Mitch.

"Couldn't see," Mitch whispered. "It was from the other side of that clearing, I think."

Clementine peered out at the clearing from where the shot seemed to have come from. Whoever had fired must have been hiding in the trees, because she saw nobody. Looking around, she saw that the other end of the ditch was hidden by the trees.

"We can sneak back through the trees there," she said, pointing.

"Stay there!" A female voice barked from behind them. Clementine frowned; that voice sounded very familiar…

Just as it hit her, the woman behind her gasped and said, "Clementine? Is that you?"  
Clementine turned around slowly, feeling sick inside, and uttered the woman's name.

 _"_ _Lilly."_


End file.
